#9 Happiness is knowing that your family lacks for nothing
Relationships are a consistent factor on the list overall, if you hadn’t noticed. And, supposedly, the relationship with family is the deepest and strongest there is. Obviously, that’s not always the case for everyone, but it’s pretty common - especially in myths, stories, media, etc.
I struggled with the relationships within my family for most of my life. Now, I can honestly say that most have never been stronger, but it took a lot of hard effort on all parts, and a lot of faith.
To try and simplify things for this post, I’d list the following elements as the basis for a strong and healthy familial relationship.
Fulfillment
Stability
Gratitude
Bonding
As the list item states, knowing your family is OK, or lacks for nothing (though I’d always heard the saying as ‘wants for nothing’), has a profound impact on ones happiness. But why is that? I know, that as a parent, I feel a whole heap better when I know my offspring are healthy and happy. I think any and all hope that within the family unit, there’s be a strong sense of security. One would hope to feel safe, not only physically, but also mentally, and emotionally. Of course, this can be very challenging for some members. When they don’t understand why another reacts, or behaves, a certain way, it can be difficult to practice patience and understanding. I think a good example would be when a member of the family tends to be more negative than the rest.
Let’s say Scout is our positive sibling, and Sam is our ‘tends to be more negative’ one. We don’t know why they see and experience the world so differently - they’re close in age, they live in the same home with the same loving parents, they have the same advantages and disadvantages, etc. - but for some reason, they have completely different perspectives and realities. One would hope Scout would see Sam struggling and have the patience and compassion to at least allow them the space to feel what they feel, if not help them through it. However, if Scout simply cannot make sense of Sam’s behavior, feels it is unfair, perhaps even annoying, it creates a wedge that will continue to grow over time. Sam will not feel safe with Scout as they don’t believe they can be themselves, and Scout will learn to tune Sam out. By the time they are young adults, they will barely know each other. This is not the basis of a healthy and strong relationship. And truth be told, it would be challenging for their parents too. If Alex and Blake work hard to provide for Sam and Scout, and Sam seems unhappy and/or to keep struggling, it would continuously weigh on them. One would hope it wouldn’t affect their love for Sam, nor the way they treat or love them, but it would profoundly affect them. And why? Because there is a symbiotic relationship between providing for loved ones, and experiencing genuine happiness.
Providing for loved ones doesn’t necessarily mean providing the basic needs - shelter, food, water, clothing, etc. That restricts our scope to mainly parents and guardians. But there are way more ways to ‘provide’, including but not limited to;
Emotional support: listening and providing comfort
Physical support: performing tasks or chores, or helping with errands
Financial support: sharing expenses, or helping out in a trying time
Intellectual support: offering advice, sharing knowledge, or providing solutions
Moral support: encouraging endeavours, proving loyalty in hard times
Time & Attention: spending quality time, being present and interested
Affection: showing one cares & appreciates through words, gestures, and physical touch
In my opinion, all types of support listed above amounts to a good parent, sibling, aunt/uncle, friend, colleague, or whatever other type of relationship one may have. In truth, it amounts to being a good person. But of course, this post is specifically about family. So…let’s go back to the elements… let’s elaborate on those…
Fulfillment
Being a part of a unit instills a deep sense of connection but also responsibility to the whole. As a member of a unit, there is a sense of fulfillment in meeting the needs of everyone involved, and/or just one member. And of course, fulfillment brings satisfaction which contributes to our overall well-being and happiness.
Stability
As mentioned above, stability, like feeling safe and secure, is a conducive environment for a family unit to thrive - feeling safe in the world and in the unit. Of course, this would include financial stability as well since we all know that having a home and shelter is a basic need for all humans, a right too if one believes so. Knowing one is safe and secure also fosters peace, which contributes to happiness.
Gratitude
It’s a lot easier to be grateful and see the world more positively if you feel good things are happening. I used to believe (and a small part of me still does) that luck plays a big role in good things occurring, but as I’ve matured, I’ve also experienced and witnessed how the way you receive and perceive things has a large impact also. Take, for instance, the end of a life. This is a difficult chapter, no matter who is lost (though some losses are more challenging than others of course). However, dying is inevitable. It is a part of life, and we cannot change that. One could choose to see it in a negative way - recognizing the loss of life, the hole left behind in that person being gone, the grief and sadness. However, there are positive aspects also - the fact that you were lucky to have that person in your life at all, the memories shared, and the lessons learned. Gratitude plays a very important part in contributing to happiness. In fact, I’d go so far as to say it amplifies it.
Bonding
Loneliness is a part of the human experience, and bonding is a way to lessen the feeling of it. Sharing experiences, which is a part of bonding, deepens a relationship which is a fundamental aspect in contributing to overall happiness. Bonding actually plays a very crucial role in shaping our identities and experiences. It has a profound effect on us psychologically and physiologically. According to research, strong and healthy connections lead to less depression, anxiety, and other mental health challenges. It fosters empathy and compassion, and even releases oxytocin, the “love hormone” that promotes trust and intimacy through hugs, kisses, and acts of kindness. It even lowers blood pressure, stress levels, and increases our immune function. Clearly, bonding is a powerful force that shapes our lives in profound ways.
Imagine if we, in our societies, our communities, our cultures, could not only recognize the importance of all I’ve written above, but genuinely amend things to include more of it, what a positive difference it would make? I feel like we’d be able to better build and cultivate happier and healthier lives for generations to come.
So, why is it we can read about such things, whether it be here on my blog, or reading (or watching) stories like “Hector and the Search for Happiness” in agreement, but then forget to execute it in our daily lives? I strive too. All the time!
I don’t believe in perfection, but they say practice makes perfect. I guess I’ll have to keep practicing. How about you?
Ⓒ April 2024. Beki Lantos. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, or transmitted in any form by any means without prior written permission of the author.
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