Being seen by someone, truly seen, and understood, is an amazing experience. It’s like a so-called angel was put in your path, specifically for you, to help in some way, as well as reinstate your faith and belief in kindness. I had such an experience last week.
When I was in hospital for my accident, it was clear I’d suffered a concussion. This brought on a lot of anxiety for me. There are people in my life who’ve struggled a great deal due to concussions and I wanted to be sure I stayed as much ahead of things as I could to ensure a good outcome.
Last week, I had my appointment at the Concussion Clinic. I was actually feeling a little nervous and anxious in going, and even more so when I got there. These are somewhat new feelings for me as I don’t recall feeling them much in my life pre-accident.
The resident who took me into the examination room, asked me questions, took my history, and did a quick physical, was very nice and professional. He gave me some good advice on ways to manage my challenges moving forward. And then he stepped out to return with the doctor when he was available.
The doctor came in, my nerves seemed to jump a little faster. I’m not sure why they did so. I’ve no fear of doctors. But he immediately put me at ease. He was kind, patient, soft-spoken, and respectful. He asked me questions and checked a few things physically, but then we conversed… and somehow, he truly saw me.
I’ve been struggling with sleep issues and challenges for as long as I can remember. The last time I can remember truly having a good night’s sleep, without aid, was when I was pregnant with my son. He is now 22 years old.
The amazing thing is that we didn’t even have a real conversation about my sleep. It was of course mentioned when I was questioned about it - all a part of the investigation regarding the concussion. I happened to mention that I’ve been plagued with nightmares, likely due to the accident triggering a long battle with PTSD.
Friends, I can’t tell you how many doctors I’ve told about my sleep issues over the years. How many times I’ve asked for help. Even after the car accident in February, I’d told the ER physician my fears of nightmares increasing, or intensifying, because of the accident. And yet the response I often received was - there’s nothing that can be done medically to help you. I was told to try Melatonin, drink a warm cup of milk before bed, ensure I’m not in front of a screen for at least an hour before bed, practice breathing exercises and/or mindful meditation, and so on. And I’ve done all of those things. Some, I still try sporadically, though they’ve never proven consistently successful.
Now I don’t know if you’re aware, but brains develop neural pathways. These pathways allow for communication and processing of sensory information, movement, and complex cognitive functions. Many of these pathways become comfortable, or habit, so it can make future use of that information more efficient.
When someone has a traumatic experience, it can alter their neural pathways. It can literally change the brain structure and function. These altered pathways influence how the person experiences the world and can cause them to view ordinary experiences through a lens of trauma and fear. This also includes those involved in achieving and maintaining sleep. It can lead to difficulty falling asleep, insomnia, nightmares, or a general difficulty relaxing enough to actually fall and stay asleep.
Ever since I was raped I’ve rarely slept fitfully. The rare times that I thought I did, it was thanks to the abuse of unsafe substances. As mentioned above, every doctor (and other professional) that I’ve spoken with about my concerns, informed me there was nothing that could be done.
The doctor at the clinic last week, this angel that was put in my path, told me differently. He told me that there are in fact ways we can help change those neural pathways again, so that they’re healthier and stronger for a better sleep. He told me it should help with my ability to fall asleep, stay asleep, and help with the nightmares. It should help retrain my brain to a happier, healthier, and more fitful sleep!!! I was overwhelmed with gratitude. I didn’t know what to say to him, how to thank him. I almost started crying, right there in the examination room.
After seeing and speaking to so many doctors and specialists, I finally felt seen. Heard. Believed. Valued. I felt like my truth was finally being honored. Navigating these systems we’ve created, be they medical, legal, whatever, they’re challenging. It is so vital that we are heard, not only for our truths and sanity, but also our overall health.
Speak your truth, my friends. Use your voices. Ask the questions. Eventually, the answers will come. Possibly in the form of a so-called angel, put in your path by the universe.
Ⓒ October 2024. Beki Lantos. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form by any means without prior written permission of the author.
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