Connections

Because the world is such a strange and scary place, in the past, my husband and I could never agree on travel. Where to go. What to do.

Our first vacations were at all-inclusive resorts. In his mind, those were safe. He felt better knowing what we were getting and that everything was included in the price. We stayed at fancy resorts and rarely left except to go on an excursion offered by the resort.

After a few of these types of vacations I began suggesting little side trips of our own. However, it wasn’t until our all-inclusive in Samana, Dominican Republic, that he was finally willing to take the plunge. In Samana, we took the time to explore the local community and get to know some of its culture. It ended up being one of our best trips. One day we decided to walk across a bridge to a small island to explore abandoned buildings we could see from the shore. While crossing the bridge, we met a young man. He and some friends had been jumping off the bridge into the ocean, enjoying the beautiful day and warm waters. When he found out that we wanted to check out the abandoned buildings on the island, he offered to give us a tour. A little voice in my head screamed, “Are you crazy? You’re alone with no protection in a foreign country where you don’t even know the language.” It was hard not to hear the voice, but I listened to my gut which told me to accept the invitation. We spent many delightful hours listening as he told us the history of the abandoned buildings and about life in Samana. He in turn asked us about living

in Canada and we shared our stories. By the time we walked back across the bridge, we felt connected to this young man and to his beautiful island.

We wanted to show him our appreciation and offered him some American money. To my surprise he wouldn’t take it. Without skipping a beat, and having noticed the young man’s broken flip-flops, my husband removed his own and insisted he take them. With a genuine smile of gratitude, he slipped them on before running off to join his friends. It had been a perfect day.

Back in Canada, back to our giant house with three cars and crazy lives that this boy so envied, we realized we needed to make some changes. But could we? Could we be happy with less? Excited we contemplated changes; travelling more, doing more for others, being kinder people. However, with two kids in sports, school and our jobs, we soon got sucked back into our first world problems. Life continued.

A few years later, my husband got me an amazing gift. A five-cities-in-seventeen-days trip to Europe. We would backpack, take public transportation in the cities, stay in hostels instead of hotels, and best of all, couch-surf wherever we could. Couch-surfing was a whole new universe we’d only recently discovered. Friends of ours had been doing it for a while and had traveled extensively with their two daughters. Intrigued and excited, we signed up at once.

Immediately we started getting couch-surfers from around the world staying with us. Within less than a year, we’d had guests from the United States, Russia, Brazil, New Zealand, France, Germany, and Belgium. Every visit was unique and every visitor had a fascinating story to tell. It was a great experience for the entire family. An unexpected bonus was that for the first time, my children were able to hear about other people’s love for their homelands and what they valued. This was in stark contrast to the news which only reported on disasters around the world, promoting fear and often hatred. With these new experiences, they were learning not to fear the world, but to love it.

There are so many fond memories from all of our couch-surfers. We were lucky in that we didn’t have one bad experience. If I had to choose a favorite, I think I would choose the time we shared with a young couple from the U.S. They were very nice, outgoing, caring, and open minded. The kids enjoyed their visit especially as the man taught them magic tricks and knew some great jokes. We all played cards together as a group. They’d never been to our city and knew very little of our country. We spent an entire day walking around, showing them our favorite spots and historically significant places.

Being in the nation’s capital, we were able to give them a tour of our parliamentary buildings and soon began talking politics. They had so many questions and while I was surprised at their ignorance of our system and laws, I was very happy that they were so interested. They asked so many questions. They hadn’t known we had so much in common and it really brought us closer together. By the end of the day, we were sitting on a patio in the warm sun, drinking ice cold cocktails. As the sun sank behind the buildings, we began making plans to see each other again in the future. They invited us to visit them in Tennessee, and when they mentioned they wanted to see the west coast of Canada, we told them we could meet them there and all go camping in the Rockies together.

Expressing gratitude to your host(s) is a large part of the couch surfing code. All of our guests expressed it differently by bringing us gifts from their home countries or cities; cooking us a meal, often one that is traditional from their home or family, and

others helped us with the work we were doing at the house that summer. My husband and I, and more importantly our children, learned so much about how kindness, gratitude and goodness can be expressed.

Some time later, we purchased a giant map of the world and placed red dots where our couch-surfers were from, and blue dots for where we’d been. On top of learning about cultures, communities, and kindness, we also learned a lot of geography.

Unfortunately, when it came time to plan our trip to Europe, the reality of booking homes for couch-surfing proved quite difficult. Not many people were open to accepting a family of four or perhaps they just didn’t have the space. Luckily for us a man in Copenhagen, Denmark accepted our request and invited us into his home.

He proved to be one of the kindest and most generous people we’ve ever met. Not only did Oliver (not his real name) open his small home to us, but he altered his work schedule so that he could give us a tour of the city. He introduced us to his favorite shops, restaurants and landmarks and provided so much local history, including that of his own family which was so interesting!

Each morning we awoke to the aroma or freshly baked goodies which he had bought at the local bakery just moments earlier. It was a great way to start the day. He and our daughter had great laughs searching for odd looking animals on the internet and our son, ever the history buff, pumped him with questions about Denmark. He was fascinated to learn the history, especially about WWII.

Perhaps these were all things my children could have done or learned on their own, but having the opportunity to do it with Oliver, where kindness and generosity were such predominant factors, made it all the more worthwhile and memorable. We will never forget the time we spent with him and I am forever thankful for that.

We continued our whirlwind trip ending up in Monterosso, Italy for a couple of nights. We were hiking with our backpacks across the mountains of Cinque Terre. After a delicious dinner at a tiny restaurant in the village, the four of us walked to the water to watch the sun sink below the surface of the Ligurian sea.

Some buskers had gathered nearby and watched as one of their own began to perform. He was a juggler, a comedian and a showman with flair. Though we sat behind the performance, he was a pleasure to watch. I was in actual awe of the group, thinking about how much courage they had to pursue a life such as theirs. They were taking on the world on their own terms! They were enjoying life in the present. A part of me envied them, though I knew it was quite possible there was a part of them that may have envied me also.

After the performance, while my kids dropped some euros into the hat, I approached the group. I asked where they were from and they were more than happy to talk to me. Most were simply performers who wanted to see the world and experience life through relationships with people they met on their travels. One young man in particular who barely spoke a word of English was very excited to meet a Canadian family. He said he loved Canada and wanted to visit someday.

Before parting ways, I asked them if they knew where I could purchase some toothpaste. The man who barely spoke English signaled for me to wait a moment. He rummaged in his bag and pulled out half a tube, motioning for me to take it. I felt bad knowing they didn't have much but he insisted. After a bit of back and forth one of the buskers translated, “We made enough money today to buy a new one, so take it.” It dawned on me that it would be rude not to take it. This was their value system. So, I did. With gratitude.

In each place that we’ve traveled, and in opening our home to travelers also, we’ve met the most wonderful and kind people. The experiences have been memorable in each instance, and I know they’ve had a positive impact on my children. We're no longer afraid to stray off the well worn path for fear of what we might encounter. We know that bad things can happen and that we live in tumultuous times, but that doesn't mean you live in fear.

In light of all that's transpired in the last 3 months (and more), I know for certain that my family and I are very fortunate and privileged. Being in isolation has given us time to reflect on a lot, and personally, I keep coming back to the experiences that brought us so much joy. And for each one, it was and is about the people - listening to them, learning from them, what is important to them, aiming to understand why they feel or think the way they do. Ultimately, it’s about connection. And that's what I'm missing most during this global pandemic. I am missing my fellow humans to connect with, and I'm fearful so much damage is being done during this time, they won't be there to connect with when we are able to find our way back to one another, working to find our "new normal". The world is still a strange and scary place, but I'm still here, and I hope they will be too.

Ⓒ June 2020. Beki Lantos. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, or transmitted in any form by any means without prior written permission of the author.