Honest and Real

Change is good but it can overexcite me

It overwhelms and frustration pours out of me

Waves of anger wetting only those I'm closest to

My rigid shelter I hope they can see through

Why are my emotions so hard to control

often undermining my intellectual goal

I feel and emote though I've lost all sense

each moment, each breath, each thought, so intense

Breathe, I tell myself a hundred times a day

Breathe, I relax muscles and continue to say

Out loud or in my head, it doesn't really matter

as long as it drowns out all of the negative chatter

Negativity is easy, I continue to learn

Negativity sticks with me each day, at each turn

But why is it easier to unleash my wrath?

Are my neurons simply comfiest taking that path?

I'm rarely ever angry, most often just scared

Searching for a way to become better prepared

Searching for a way to describe how I feel

to communicate healthily while I work to heal

But where does one learn these critical things

to emote and communicate, then enjoy the peace it brings

where do I enrol to acquire

this knowledge

because there is no school, no courses, no college

I want to learn to be happy with my decisions

even if they require constant revisions

I want to learn to be happy with all that I bear

not strive for things missing, or for life to be fair

Perhaps happiness isn't a skill but a state of mind

A conscious choice to be honest and kind

to look on the bright side of all that takes place

and choosing to accept it with class, style, or grace

But what of the moments when that bright side is gone

Is it then acceptable to let anger dawn

But to do it in a responsible way

where the anger's emoted and then washed away

Happiness creeps back and makes everything well again

I'll make the conscious choice to be happy and well, and then

I'll feel to emote and emote what I feel

as long as I strive to be honest and real

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