Invisible Violence: The Other Side of Gender Bias

This is the third installment of a series I’m writing on Invisible Violence.

You can read the first post HERE, and the second HERE.

In discussions about gender bias in the legal system, much attention is (rightly) given to how women face higher risks of violence and how laws often fail to protect them. But gender bias works both ways. While women are at greater risk of Invisible Violence - coercive control, stalking, and emotional abuse - men who experience abuse often find themselves ignored, mocked, or disbelieved.

And when women commit acts of violence - sometimes just as calculated, manipulative, and cruel as men - they are often treated with far more leniency by the legal system and society at large. This double standard is not just unfair; it’s dangerous.

Throughout history, women have been framed as the gentler sex - nurturing, passive, and non-violent. While there is statistical truth to the idea that men commit the majority of violent crimes, this cultural stereotype leads to an underestimation of the harm that women can and do inflict.

One of the most chilling examples is Karla Homolka. Convicted for her involvement in the rape and murder of multiple teenage girls - including her own sister - Homolka was painted as a victim of her husband, Paul Bernardo. Despite her active participation in these heinous crimes, she struck a plea deal that led to a far lighter sentence than many believe she deserved. The public outcry that followed exposed the deep discomfort people have with seeing women as truly dangerous.

Homolka is not an isolated case. Studies show that female offenders often receive more lenient sentences than male offenders for similar crimes. Judges and juries are more likely to view them as manipulated, mentally ill, or acting out of desperation rather than malice.

Women who commit violent crimes often benefit from lighter sentencing. Women are statistically less likely to receive the death penalty or life sentences compared to men convicted of the same crimes. They also benefit from narratives of victimhood. Many female perpetrators are framed as victims of abusive men, even when evidence suggests otherwise. Women also benefit from parental status considerations. Courts are more hesitant to impose harsh sentences on mothers, fearing the impact on their children. Women also benefit from mental health defenses. They are more likely to be deemed mentally ill rather than malicious.

While these factors should be considered in any case, the same leniency is rarely given to male offenders. A man who commits a violent crime is far more likely to be seen as inherently dangerous, while a woman is often seen as an exception to the rule.

While men are statistically more likely to commit homicide, female abusers are not incapable of premeditated murder, partner homicide, or even serial killings - but their methods and motives often differ.

Studies show that when women kill their partners, it is often framed as self-defense against long-term abuse. While this is sometimes true, there are documented cases of women killing for reasons other than survival.

Some female abusers escalate their control to murder when they fear losing power over their victim, similar to male perpetrators of domestic violence. For example, Clara Harris ran over her husband multiple times with her car after discovering his infidelity. Her crime was driven by rage and control, not self-defense.

Women who commit murder often use less direct, more covert methods than men. Poisoning is one of the most common methods used by female murderers. This aligns with patterns of coercive control, where abusers manipulate and psychologically dominate their victims over time. For example, Marybeth Tinning - a woman who killed multiple of her own children over a span of years, evading suspicion due to the assumption that a mother couldn’t be a cold-blooded murderer. Also, Nannie Doss, aka the “Giggling Granny”, poisoned several of her husbands and family members.

Some female abusers avoid direct violence by manipulating others into committing murder on their behalf - a psychological extension of coercive control. Pamela Smart manipulated her teenage lover into murdering her husband. Suzan Carson convinced her husband to go on a killing spree under the guise of religious extremism.

While female perpetrated murder is less frequent, it often involves carefully planned, psychologically manipulative, and indirect methods, making it harder to detect and prosecute.

On the flip side of this bias, men who experience abuse - especially at the hands of female partners - face an entirely different struggle: silence.

They fear not being believed. Imagine calling the police after your wife or girlfriend punches you, throws objects at you, or emotionally torments you, only for the responding officers to smirk and say, “Come on, man, toughen up.” Unfortunately, this happens more often than it should. Many men report that when they try to file abuse complaints, they are dismissed, laughed at, or even arrested themselves.

They are shamed. Society teaches men to be strong, stoic, and in control. Being abused contradicts this image, making it difficult for men to admit they are victims. Many fear ridicule, particularly from other men. “How can a guy be abused by a woman? Just leave.” These kinds of statements reinforce the idea that male victims are weak or less masculine.

There are fewer support systems. Domestic violence shelters and support groups overwhelmingly cater to women. While there are some resources for men, they are far scarcer. This makes it harder for male victims to seek help, find safe spaces, or even recognize that they are in an abusive situation.

They fear losing their children. In cases where abuse occurs within a marriage or long-term relationship, men are often afraid to report their abuser because they believe the courts will side with the mother in custody battles. Given the historical bias in favor of mothers in family court, this fear is not unfounded.

So, what needs to change? We need to recognize female violence for what it is. Women who commit violent crimes should not automatically be viewed as victims or mentally unstable exceptions. The justice system must hold all offenders accountable based on their actions, not their gender.

We need to take male victims seriously. We need to shift cultural attitudes that mock or dismiss male victims of abuse. This includes training police, judges, and social workers to recognize signs of abuse against men and take their claims as seriously as those of female victims.

We need to extend support services for men. Domestic violence shelters, hotlines, and advocacy programs should be accessible to all victims, regardless of gender.

We need to reform family court practices. Custody cases should be handled with true neutrality rather than outdated assumptions that favor mothers.

We need to change the narrative. The media and public discourse should reflect the reality that violence and abuse are not gender-exclusive issues.

If we want a truly just society, we must be willing to examine all angles of gender bias - including those that favor women at the expense of men. A system that assumes men are always the abusers and women are always the victims does a disservice to everyone.

The goal is not to take support away from women but to ensure fairness, accuracy, and justice for all.

Stay with me as I continue this series, diving into the Invisible Violence that takes place in the family unit.

Ⓒ April 2025. Beki Lantos. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, or transmitted in any form by any means without prior written permission of the author.