Love Enough to Let Go

Goodbyes are hard. They’re the lump in your throat when you know what’s right but wish it weren’t so. They’re the tug-of-war between your heart’s deep attachment and your mind’s stern, unyielding logic. And when that goodbye is to someone you love, knowing that staying with them isn’t healthy, it becomes a moment of profound soul-searching.

Here’s the thing about love: it’s not just about how much you feel for someone. It’s also about how much you’re able to thrive alongside them. Love that asks you to shrink yourself, to tolerate hurt, or to keep waiting for “someday” to come is not the kind of love that nourishes - it’s the kind that depletes.

Oh, hope. It’s such a tricky little thing. We cling to it like it’s a raft in a storm, even when it’s full of holes and dragging us under. We hope things will get better, that people will change, that love alone will be enough. But sometimes, it’s not. And staying in a relationship that continually hurts us is like picking at a wound: it only deepens the damage. Whether it’s an intimate romance, a family member, or a friend.

Leaving though? That’s no picnic either. It hurts. It’s messy. It’s crying into your coffee while a love song plays at the worst possible moment. Or when you’re crying from watching a scene in a movie that reminds you of a happier time. But here’s the kicker - it’s also the first step toward healing. When we choose to leave a situation that no longer serves us, it’s an act of courage and self-love. We’re saying, “I deserve better than this.” And that’s a powerful, transformative moment.

But staying? Staying in a toxic relationship often feels like standing in a storm, hoping the winds will calm. You tell yourself that things might get better, that love will prevail, or that your patience will eventually be rewarded. But even if the skies do clear, the damage from enduring that storm doesn’t simply vanish. The emotional toll of waiting for change - while tolerating behaviors that hurt you - can leave lasting scars on your self-esteem and self-love, even if the relationship does improve. Though storms may pass, they may also blow roofs off or toss a tree onto your car.

Even if the other person makes genuine efforts to change, the residual effects of the past can linger. It’s hard to fully trust or feel safe when you’ve spent so long guarding your heart against hurt. You might find yourself second-guessing your instincts of doubting the sincerity of their actions, leaving you caught in a cycle of fear and hesitation. This lingering insecurity can create new barriers, making it difficult to rebuild a truly healthy dynamic.

Perhaps, most importantly, staying in a toxic relationship often comes at the cost of your relationship with yourself. You begin to silence your needs, overlook your boundaries, and accept less than you deserve. The longer you do this, the harder it becomes to reconnect with your inner voice - the one that tells you that you’re enough, just as you are.

If things could genuinely improve, the process of healing would still require intentional effort - not just from the other person but from yourself as well. You’d need to rebuild your confidence, reestablish your boundaries, and relearn how to prioritize your well-being. But even this best-case scenario demands an honest look at whether the damage done can truly be repaired and whether the love you have for them is matched by the love you hold for yourself.

Staying in a toxic relationship doesn’t just affect the bond you share with someone else; it rewrites the narrative you tell yourself about your own value. Choosing to stay may not only prolong the pain but also deepens the wounds that keep you from living fully, joyfully, and authentically. Sometimes, the hardest but most loving decision you can make is to choose yourself - to walk away and allow your heart the space it needs to heal and grow.

Leaving doesn’t mean you stop loving. It means you start loving yourself just a little more. It’s about recognizing that you don’t have to sacrifice your peace, happiness, and wholeness to maintain a relationship. Letting go with love says, “I care about you, but I also care about me, and this isn’t good for either of us.”

Every goodbye is an opportunity to grow. It’s a chance to reclaim yourself, to heal, and to make space for the relationships and experiences that truly nourish you. It’s not easy - most worthwhile things aren’t - but it’s worth it.

So, if you find yourself standing at that crossroads, debating whether to stay or go, remember this: letting go with love is not failure; it’s freedom. It’s the ultimate act of self-respect. And when you choose yourself, you choose peace, growth, and the hope of a brighter tomorrow. 

You’ve got this. Be gentle with yourself, and trust that moving forward doesn’t mean leaving love behind - it means making room for the kind of love that lifts you up. 

Ⓒ January 2025. Beki Lantos. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, or transmitted in any form by any means without prior written permission of the author.