Our Marriage

You say you have my back,

but when doors close you get mean

You say understanding is necessary

but you won't even meet in between

You make me feel like I'm less

like you settled while I reach

You sit there, not in conversation

but as though you're meant to preach

Sometimes it seems as though

I'm the fuel to your fire

Even though it's respect and understanding

I wish to inspire

You close yourself off and lock the door

not letting anything in

Not even I who love you

It's like you have to win

So sad that this isn't a game

not one you win or lose

It's like a dance we strive to perfect

but you, you just refuse

It hurst to hear you say the things you do

like, I give up

How should I react to that?

just smile and nod, stand up

Walk away and let you stew

in your anger and your hate?

How am I to know or tell

when it is too late?

You insisted I adapt

to other people's needs

I did it on my own

and it worked because I agreed

I am so much better now

at understanding others' ways

except for in the case of you

to me, you're still a maze

How can one tell another

to grow, better, or change

When they refuse to do the same

to me that just seems strange

I have real reactions to things

and I let them show

What you perceive as negative

is what shapes me, helps me grow

When you say I'm too emotional

and there's no need to excite

I say these are my emotions,

and to them I have a right

I worked really hard to get

to where I am today

I don't deserve your disrespect

especially when you don't give it away

Can you truly say

that I'm mean or disrespectful?

That my words intend to cause you pain

leave scares because they're hurtful?

Have I ever made you feel

like you are less that you are?

Said words or did things

you felt might leave a scar?

I understand this isn't easy for you

I understand your restraint

I understand you're a good man

And I know I'm not a saint

I just hope you realize

we can't go on this way

otherwise our relationship

will truly begin to decay

And our relationship is our family

our family is my life That's the choice we made together

the day I became your wife

I'm terrified of what's happening

not knowing where we'll go

Like we've become stagnant

and will never again grow

I'm hoping you're still in this

and that it's for the long haul

But I need to know you're in it

and you'll be giving it your all

I want you to be happy

and for that you need to grow

expand beyond your horizons

and what you think you know

Learn to open up a bit

allow yourself to feel

For the only way our marriage can work

is if we're always real

Ⓒ April 2019. Beki Lantos. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, or transmitted in any form by any means without prior written permission of the author.