It’s that time of year again, when millions of people resolve to do better, be healthier, kinder, softer, more successful… so many things. I don’t differ really, but I’ve been reflecting on my past resolutions and discovering most of them didn’t take.
They say it takes just over 60 days to form a new habit. But I’ve formed and forced habits for longer, only to find them easily fall away. Years ago, I made a resolution to become a runner, and I did. I ran for more than a year, and yet, I don’t anymore. I stopped at some point, but I can’t recall when. I just know I didn’t want to get back into it again, so I began walking. I walked every day for over a year, and yet I don’t anymore. And again, I can’t recall when I stopped, or why. It’s frustrating and unfortunately contributes to the strength of the voice in my head telling me I am a failure. But, is it me, or is it the resolutions? Am I weak? Or am I choosing the wrong habits to form?
I often witness those who have routines, or habits, with envy. How do they do it? How do they find the time and energy to go for a 45 minute walk everyday? Or to go to the gym for an hour and a half? Or how about those who abstain from sugar and sweets? What separates us? Discipline? Passion?
So, I’ve been reflecting on my resolutions and I’ve decided that formula doesn’t work for me. The term ’resolution’ is the noun form of the verb to ’resolve’. Well, I’m not trying to resolve anything. I’m trying to improve, grow, develop. Of course, I want to become a healthier and happier individual, but perhaps I need guidelines to do so, not habits. I want to lead a good life and be able to leave feeling fulfilled and having lived well. So how do I achieve that? Do such guidelines exist? How do I really want to part with this world? And, what developments must I make to get there?
As I’m sure many people do, I picture myself surrounded by loved ones, sad to see me go but happy I was in their lives, and I’m able to share with them powerful words of wisdom. What could those words be, I wonder? Right now, I feel like it wouldn’t be much, and that saddens me. Though I suppose, I’m only 40 and haven’t really had enough time to learn much. But I want to be able to tell my kids, and perhaps theirs:
How to get back up after a major loss
How to live with regret without it consuming or debilitating you
The art and importance of vulnerability
The importance of truly cherishing those who mean something and how to do it
How to be cherishable and believe that you are
How to make each person you interact with feel valued, whether they are the grocery store clerk, the triage nurse at the walk-in clinic, or the transient person walking by, no matter how they look, speak, dress, or act
How to cultivate, nurture, be a part and worthy of an epic love
If I can share wisdom to help just one person to achieve even one of the goals listed above, it would be a dream realized. But in truth, if I lead the remainder of my life with those goals in mind, that’s a win in itself. Perhaps changing my mindset and my approach rather than my habits is what will lead me to a happier and healthier life. Worth a shot isn’t’ it?
How about we meet here next year, January 2024, and I update you. I’m serious. I’m putting a reminder in my phone (and written planner, just in case) right now. Let’s do it. I will commit to the above seven goals as though they are my commandments and let’s see if I stick to it, and what transpires should I be successful. In the meantime, what are your goals or guidelines?
Cheers,
xo
b
Ⓒ January 2023. Beki Lantos. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, or transmitted in any form by any means without prior written permission of the author.
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