Happy Valentine’s Day friends!
This ‘holiday’ in particular has always been strange for me. As a child, I remember often getting excited about it and then simply feeling disappointed at the end of the day. I always felt my hopes or expectations were never met. Then again, I had a very wild and active imagination. Who knows what those hopes and expectations were? Lol. Even into my youth and young adult years, I rarely found my hopes and expectations for any holiday to be met. In the long run, the issue was me. But I digress, back to Valentine’s Day.
Once I started dating, I always played the role of the girl who pretended she didn’t care about stupid things like Valentine’s Day and wanting it to be romantic, or special. The truth was, it was the complete opposite. I was always (ALWAYS) hoping for a boyfriend who would be all-consuming in love with me, make an embarrassing grand gesture, and surprise me with some all too romantic date planned. But alas, it was never to be. Most guys I dated were just selfish jerks who did the least creative and lazy things - flowers, jewelry (which I don’t wear), dinner, etc.. If they weren’t selfish jerks, they were too shy or scared to do something, related to their fear of being vulnerable. Or perhaps they just weren’t as into me as I’d hoped. Who knows?
Now that I’ve been married for almost two decades, Valentine’s Day is something that has certainly not been a thing for a long time, if ever. I mean, who can blame us, right? As with so many other people, it’s easy to believe the narrative that it’s just a holiday made up by the corporations that want to capitalize on the little people. It’s easy to believe it’s just a stupid made up day that is completely unnecessary. And of course, my favorite, ‘we shouldn’t need a holiday to express our love and appreciation to our partners’.
Except, that we do! Even if you’re in the healthiest and happiest of relationships, what’s so wrong with going a little further, perhaps a little over the top, on this day? Yes, there is also the anniversary, but still. Is two days a year really too much?
Now please, understand, I no longer fall into the category of people who think heteronormatively - that the male must woo the female of the relationship. I think all should take this opportunity to woo their partner(s) or lover(s), whoever, whatever, to express their appreciation, love, happiness, etc. Nor do I think a shit ton of money need be spent. There are plenty of ways to express love and gratitude that require little to no funds. Because it’s often not the activity itself that is romantic, but the feeling and conversation during it that matters.
For example, I could invite my husband out for a walk by the ocean, by moonlight, and tell him about the first moment I knew I was in love with him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. And then, prepare a lovely meal for him, perhaps even one from our early years that fell to the wayside once we became busy-as-fuck parents. And then I could share with him a poem, or list, that relates all of my favorite memories that only made me fall more in love with him.
Or perhaps I could gift him with a scrapbook of photos from our past and my thoughts reflecting on those moments.
Or, I could set up a scavenger hunt with riddles about stuff from our past, or about things I love about him, to lead to a small and simple gift, like a poem I wrote, or a love letter.
Or, I could buy all of the ingredients for some new and exciting recipe we want to try, and we could cook it together.
Or, I could create a playlist of songs that mean something to me about us, for him. The first song I remember hearing after I met him, the song for our first dance at our wedding, a song we’d dance to with the kids when we were trying to tire them out before bed, etc.
Or, if there’s a concert coming up in the future that I know he’d like but can’t afford just yet, I can tell him I found it and present a plan we could work together to save for it.
I feel trying to do any of these kinds of things regularly, could be very challenging, if not exhausting. Everyday life often gets in the way - we’re too tired from work, we’re under the weather, we’re stressed because of work, the kids, etc. So, until you’re at that point in your relationship where that’s feasible, what the heck is wrong with making Valentine’s Day a splash, or big bang? What’s so wrong with making a day or evening special so that one can suspend that stress, or fatigue?
And hey, if you’re not in a romantic relationship, that’s ok. As RuPaul says, “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” So, take this day to show yourself some love! Do something you love, perhaps something you’ve been depriving yourself of because you couldn’t rationalize the spending, or time it would take. Ask yourself, if you were in a happy relationship, what would you do to express your love and appreciation? Well, if it’s good enough for someone else, you’re worth it too! Take yourself on a nice long walk and think about the wonderful bits of your life. Go see a movie you’ve been dying to see for some time. Take yourself to that restaurant you’ve always wanted to try. Or make that dessert you’ve always dreamed about in the back of your mind.
And if you don’t feel comfortable doing things alone or for yourself yet, I’m sure there’s someone else who would value your love and appreciation - a friend or family member. Sure, the corporations, and Hollywood, push the heteronormative agenda and narrative, but we don’t have to follow it.
If you’ve been reading my blog for any amount of time, I think it’s pretty clear that I believe in spreading love - in all its shapes and forms. Go cheesy! Go ultra romantic! Go simple and true! Go deep! Go silly! Whatever feels right for you, or you and your loved one(s). Just spread love.
You deserve love. We all do! Now, please excuse me while I go and practice what I preach.
Much love,
xo
b
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