The Paradox of Happiness

#17 Happiness is caring about the happiness of those you love.

In a world where self-care and personal happiness are at the forefront of our minds, it’s easy to forget a fundamental truth: caring for the happiness of those you love can significantly boost your own. This might seem counterintuitive in a culture that often promotes individual achievement as the pinnacle of fulfillment, but countless studies and personal anecdotes reveal the profound joy that comes from prioritizing the well-being of others.

One of this years’ most talked about movie releases is the coming Deadpool and Wolverine movie. Starring Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman, film goers of all kinds are not only excited about the movie itself, but most just love Reynolds and Jackman together. And their promotional material is quite genius, in my humble opinion. I haven’t seen much about the movie itself, but have seen tons (and tons and tons) of promotional material about the duo's friendship. They’ve been close for almost twenty years and recently interviewed each other for a magazine (People magazine I believe) and there was a part of it that truly warmed my heart. Reynolds is quoted as having said, “I’m genuinely rooting for you all the time. I want you to win.” Isn’t that beautiful? And to me, that sounds a lot like “I just want you to be happy. I’m rooting for your happiness all the time.” I just love it. 

Psychologists and researchers have long studied the connection between our happiness and the happiness of those around us. Positive psychology, a field dedicated to understanding what makes life most worth living, emphasizes the importance of relationships in achieving a fulfilling life. Wouldn’t it be nice if, as stated in my previous post (I’m Alive…and a rant on happiness research), our culture, beliefs, and education were built around this type of psychology? Think about how much happier we as individuals, but also as communities, could be! The evidence exists! There’s so much in caring for others that is good for us. When we care for others, our brains release oxytocin, often called the “love hormone,” which not only fosters social bonding but also reduces stress and enhances overall well-being. Is that not enough right there?

A study conducted by Harvard University, known as the Harvard Study of Adult Development, found that close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives. These ties protect people from life’s discontents, help to delay mental and physical decline, and are better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ, or even genes. If you are at all interested, and have the time (or can simply make the time), I highly suggest checking out the website and TED Talk. It’s all very fascinating and includes such findings as ”Those most satisfied with their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80.” And the TED Talk, What Makes A Good Life: Lessons from the Longest Study on Happiness is less than 13 minutes long and currently has over 25 million views! I guess some of us DO care about happiness.

When you care about the happiness of your loved ones, you’re contributing to a positive ripple effect that can transform not just individual lives but entire communities. Acts of kindness and love are contagious. When you make someone happy, they are more likely to pass that happiness on to others. This chain reaction fosters a supportive and joyful environment that circles back to you, enhancing your own happiness. That’s why an argument can be made that helping others can be selfish. But still, it’s worth doing.

Caring for others nurtures deeper and more meaningful relationships. When you prioritize the happiness of your loved ones, you build trust and mutual respect. These strong bonds become a source of comfort and joy, providing a reliable support system during challenging times. Knowing that you have positively impacted someone’s life also gives you a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, is a cornerstone of caring for others. When you empathize with loved ones you strive to make their lives better, you gain a deeper appreciation for your own blessings. This practice of gratitude can shift your perspective, helping you to focus on the positive aspects of your life.

There are many ways to show someone you care, but here’s a short list of some effective ones:

1. Listen Actively - Sometimes, all someone needs is to feel heard. Take the time to listen to your loved ones without judgment of interruption.

2. Acts of Kindness - Small gestures, like a heartfelt note or a surprise treat, can significantly boost someone’s mood.

3. Quality Time - Spend time with your loved ones. Shared experiences and memories strengthen bonds and create lasting joy.

4. Offer Support - Be there in times of need. Whether it’s offering a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on, your support can make a big difference.

5. Celebrate Successes - Share in the joy of your loved ones’ achievements. Celebrating together multiplies happiness.

Caring for the happiness of those you love isn’t just. a noble endeavor; it’s a powerful path to enhancing your own joy and fulfillment. By investing in the well-being of others, you create a positive cycle of happiness that enriches your life and the lives of those around you. In the end, the paradox of happiness reveals a beautiful truth: in making others happy, we find our own happiness multiplied.

Ⓒ June 2024. Beki Lantos. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, or transmitted in any form by any means without prior written permission of the author.