This Year's Santa

There was a strange knocking at my door. It was loud, obnoxious even, and I needed it to stop. What time was it? I turned to my phone but it was dead. I hadn’t had an alarm clock since I was child but now I wished I’d kept one. I had no way to tell the time in my bedroom. I peaked at the window to see light trying to sneak through behind the curtains. At least it wasn’t dark out. But seriously, it felt really early. The knocking came again and I yelled out in frustration and kicked the covers off. I stumbled out of bed and zombie-walked into the kitchen. My head seemed to still be spinning and yet it was pounding at the same time. How was that fair, I wondered. I looked at the microwave and saw the clock. 9:30 AM? What the…? Who would dare be at my door at this time on New Year's day? The persistent knocking started again and just continued. I finally made it to the door and swung it open.

“What the actual…?” I couldn’t see anyone there. My anger and frustration immediately disappeared and confusion set in.

“Down here,” a voice said. I looked down and there were two very small women looking up at me. I felt flummoxed. I didn’t know what to say.

“Thank you for finally opening the door!” The slightly taller one said, her tone filled with impatience.

“Are you going to let us in or not?” the other asked.

Rather than move out of the way, I moved closer to the frame and kept the door as close to me as I could. I didn't want them to come in. “Can I help you?” I finally managed to utter.

The shorter one looked to the taller one, rolling her eyes. “She didn’t read the card.”

“They never read the card,” the taller one reminded her. “Just let us in. This is going to take a while and it’s freezing out here.” She pushed her way through and my jaw dropped. Who did they think they were? I tried to keep them from passing, but I didn’t want to hurt them so they squeezed past.

“Excuse me! Where do you think you’re going?” They walked through into the living space and looked around.

“Where’s your Christmas tree?” the shorter one asked.

“Probably took it down Boxing day,” the other looked at me, a look on her face as though daring me to say she was wrong.

“Yeah…. Isn’t that why it’s called Boxing day?” I joked while I closed the door.

“Great, you’re one of those.” The shorter one started looking everywhere as though searching for something while the taller one jumped onto the couch and made herself comfortable.

“What do you want? Why are you here?” I didn’t know what to ask, or who to direct it to. The shorter one moved into the kitchen and started rifling through the papers on my counters and table. “What are you doing?”

“She likely threw it out, Ginger.” The taller one yelled to her friend. “They almost always do. I’m telling you. We’ve got to come up with a new system.”

“What are you talking about?”

The shorter one, Ginger, finally stopped rummaging through my stuff, sighed, and came back to the living room. “The card! You got it, right?”

“What card?” I yelled, frustrated as hell.

“We sent you a card,” the taller one’s tone was so condescending. “You would’ve received it Christmas Eve.”

“It had us on the front of it!” Ginger said as she climbed onto one of my chairs and sat down. They both seemed to be waiting for me to say something but I couldn’t think of anything. My head was still reeling and fuzzy from all the fun I’d had the night before.

“Enough,” the taller one rolled her eyes. “I’m Sugar and that’s Ginger,” she pointed to her friend. “We’re here to begin your training.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I want you out of my house.”

“Aw come on Amber, don’t be like that.” Ginger smiled at me. “I had you pegged for a much kinder soul than this.”

I looked from one to the other while Ginger stared at me with a huge, dumb smile on her face and Sugar, if that was her real name, looked impatient and very unimpressed. “I don’t know what you two are about, but I don’t have time for this.”

“Where are you in a rush to go to?” Sugar asked. “You live alone and what little family you have left are all out of town until next week.”

“How do you know that?”

“We know everything about you.”

I looked to Ginger hoping for more of an explanation. “We’re not new to this and we know how to do our homework.”

Frustrated, I stomped into the middle of the room and yelled, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Why are you here?”

“To train you!” Sugar’s tone was very condescending. She said it slowly as though I were stupid or slow. I didn’t appreciate it.

“Train me? For what?”

“This is why she should’ve read the card. Maybe she didn’t get it?” Ginger was speaking to Sugar. Sugar looked at Ginger, annoyed.

“Who cares!” She turned back to me. “You might want to sit for this.” I looked at Ginger who nodded, still smiling. I turned back to Sugar. “It’s for your own safety. I don’t want you to faint and hit your head on the table or something.” I just continued staring, a look of frustration likely mixed with disbelief on my face.

“I don’t think she’s going to sit,” Ginger suddenly said and Sugar closed her eyes and took a breath.

“Thank you, captain obvious.” Ginger looked a little hurt but then looked back to me, her smile returning. “We’re here to train you because you’re this year's Santa.”I was even more perplexed, which I hadn’t thought was possible. And confused. And I even felt a little bit of fear crept into my senses. Had I just allowed two crazy little people into my home? Just how crazy were they? Were they dangerous? I slowly backed away until my legs hit my love seat and I fell onto it. When I looked over at Ginger, she looked concerned, but was still smiling. Sugar looked bored. “You’re the new Santa and we’re here to train you.”

“Like, a mall Santa? I don’t get it.”

Sugar rolled her eyes at me. “For fuck sake's. Really? You think we’re here to train you to become a mall Santa? On January 1! For this year's Christmas?”

“Being a mall Santa isn’t that complicated,” Ginger was giggling and Sugar glared at her, shutting her up immediately.

“Amber, we’re here from the Clause Corporation. We’re responsible for Christmas, ensuring there is in fact a Christmas for the children of the world each and every year. When the real Santa died, ages ago, our department, took over management of Santa Clause, the person.” She looked at me so intensely and seriously. There was no way she was joking. “For many years it had been an inherited position within the Clause family, but some time ago, the family died off leaving no heir.”

“It was a really rough time,” Ginger added. Sugar huffed and Ginger quieted again.

“For years we tried many different methods in acquiring, hiring, training and managing the new Santa Clauses, but none of them have ever really stuck.”

“What? Like, they quit?”

“You could say that,” Ginger answered. I looked at her and couldn’t quite read what her expression was meant to say.

“More recently, we’ve created a system wherein a different Santa takes on the role each year.” “It’s a new program that is showing some really great benefits.” Ginger smiled and Sugar cleared her throat.

“This year, the committee, Ginger and I, well, really, I, chose you.” Sugar’s face was still intense and serious. I couldn’t keep looking at her and so moved over to look at Ginger again. She was still smiling and now I could see her eyes were filled with hope and excitement.

“You’ve got to be joking!” I suddenly blurted. Gingers hope and excitement faded quickly so I looked back at Sugar.

“I am most assuredly NOT joking. I am as serious as a paper cut.”

"Oooh, those hurt," Ginger shuddered and Sugar rolled her eyes, again.

“So, you’re like...Santa’s elves?” Sugar’s face seemed to go red really quickly. Clearly I’d said the wrong thing. I looked over to Ginger who was still smiling.

“You all seem to like to think so, but no. Elves aren’t real.” She laughed.

“Sorry, I just…” “Assumed? Yes, you tall people like to do that, don’t you?” Sugar asked, her voice eerily quiet. “We are not elves. We are little people, and I don’t want to get into the history of that right now.” She stood from the couch and pointed right at me. “Are you in or out? We haven’t got all day.”

I was suddenly very confused.

“In or out?” Ginger stepped down from her seat and looked at me, still smiling.

“We can’t very well force you to be Santa! You have to choose it... once it’s offered to you.”

“Are you in or out?” Sugar repeated, her patience clearly wearing thin.

I didn’t know what to say or do, and I was too afraid to ask for any extra time, or more details. This wasn’t likely to be real anyway. Right? But then I looked at Sugar and she was actually kinda scary. What if she was crazy? How would she react if I said no? Maybe I should just say yes, go along with it, smile and nod, so to speak, and then move on once they’ve left.

“In or out???” Sugar yelled.

“Ok.! I’m in!” I blurted before I even realized I was speaking. What had I gotten myself into?

Ⓒ December 2020. Beki Lantos. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, or transmitted in any form by any means without prior written permission of the author.