It’s funny how we all live on the same planet, and yet, most of us live in completely different worlds. Even in our own personal lives, we live in one world and then something can come out of the blue and completely alter it, thrusting us into a world that feels completely different. Allow me to attempt to explain…
We hear these stories of people who commit these awful acts - cheaters, abusers, murderers, or even people with (what I believe to be) awful beliefs - racists, misogynists, homophobes, etc. And I can’t help but wonder what world they’re living in? How did they come to be the way they are? How did they form the beliefs they have? How is it that they seem to only see the dark and sad side of realities? Of course, I’ve also met people who are so absurdly happy - like, nothing bad has ever happened to them their entire lives, and I marvel at the type of world they must have been living in.
We humans really like to try and simplify things. We label, we assume, we form opinions, we judge. And we really like to believe that the world runs in one way, and we all just have to adapt to it. Whether that world be the planet, our communities, our families, our businesses, etc. It’s simple to think that everything works or runs one specific way and we try to build systems for us to ‘thrive’ in it. Our legal systems, our schools, organized religion, the economy, business, etc. But the reality is that there is no way every person, perhaps even a vast majority of them, can fit into that simple narrative. Our personal experiences and the way our minds and hearts interpret those experiences, carries too heavy a weight on us for anything to be a “one size fits all”.
Our public school system would work well if all of our children learned the same way, and had a healthy home and family environment to support their academic endeavors. But that’s simply not the case.
Our legal system would work well if all of our citizens were born into the same economic status, starting at the same starting line with the same advantages or disadvantages. But that’s absolutely impossible.
Our economy would work well if it didn’t cost money to make money OR if we all had a basic income to start and could grow from there. But apparently, that idea is a pipe dream.
Our experiences and the way we feel about them, shape who we are. They play a major factor in how we navigate the world, treat people, and follow ‘the rules’. So if everyone’s experiences are different, how can we make it work for everyone?
How is it that an incident can occur with 5 people involved, and yet they all have such very different experiences of it? I mean, the facts will remain facts, but I can understand why investigators have challenges in discerning what took place. Every individual person would have something different to say. And it’s not like people are attempting to mislead, misdirect, or misrepresent the situation. We can’t help but get our emotions and feelings all wrapped up in what we witness or experience.
That was something I struggled with BIG TIME when I was a child. Something would happen and when I would try and retell it, my emotions and feelings would get all wrapped in it. Some would call it exaggerating, or embellishing on the details, but I was only trying to describe it from my perspective and/or experience. I would use the most impactful language possible so the listener could understand how it felt for me. It’s like the difference between:
they turned the corner and walked into me, knocking me off my feet
and:
I was minding my own business, having a great day, when all of a sudden I felt a strong force knock me off my feet, I couldn’t see straight and it felt like I lost control of my own body. I landed so hard I thought I broke my back and felt hot tears sting my eyes immediately. I didn’t even realize it had been a person until I looked up.
One could say the two are a description of the same incident, but of course, they are quite different, aren’t they?
I don’t know, the idea of different worlds has been a part of my thinking for a very long time. I remember it becoming most prominent when I would argue with my mother about my childhood. She was, and is, a very loving mother. I was well provided for and all that jazz. However, n my mothers experience, I wanted for nothing and had an abundance of love. But my experience was very different. I won’t go into why. (If you’re really interested, you can read my memoirs in different ‘parts’ on this blog, starting with Part One, posted Feb 2022). We used to have disagreements about my experience a lot. She couldn’t understand mine, and I didn’t reject hers, but had difficulty accepting it because of my own.
If you really think about it…the amount of worlds that collide on a daily basis must simply be astronomical! I mean, no wonder it’s a challenge for people to connect! To understand one another! Especially if you don’t have a strong ability for empathy. Or, perish the thought, have a limited understanding of emotions.
It feels like almost everything comes back to emotions, and feelings, doesn’t it? I know a lot of people think we’ve let the pendulum swing too far on the side of caring too much about peoples feelings, and in some cases you might be right. But, it’s still important we take a person's feelings into consideration when interacting with them, isn’t it? I mean, I much better appreciate it when a person takes me into consideration when engaging with me, no matter what capacity it’s in. I honestly don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I think where we may get a little confused is when someone who is slightly too sensitive takes issue. But then we should open dialogue and discuss it, shouldn’t we? Perhaps their sensitivity is warranted for a reason.
I know that I still walk this planet afraid of men. Is it fair? Am I being sensitive? Probably. But, when the majority of the men I’ve had a relationship with have abused me in some way, it’s warranted, isn’t it? Especially after a traumatic sexual assault? So, wouldn’t it be great if we lived in a world where rather than calling me names, or getting angry at me for my feelings, the men I meet were to take that into consideration and be willing to tread carefully and prove to me that they are not one I need be afraid of?
I’m not saying it’s easy in any shape, way, or form. And of course, there are extreme cases that are very difficult to navigate. When a person walks into a school and shoots it up, killing and injuring people, it’s easy to simply vilify them and write them off. But what if we dug into the reason why they did it? Sure, for the majority of us we’d argue that we would never do such a thing, no matter what, but no two brains are alike. And no two souls. Each person reacts to a situation differently. It doesn’t matter who they are, their background, their race, their gender, their marital status, etc.
I feel like I’ve gone everywhere and nowhere with this post. I don’t really know what I’m trying to say. I guess I’m still just processing my life and it led to this because my world now is so different than it was a month ago.
Before and on the day of August 9, 2024, I lived in a ‘normal’ world where I had a fun job, was going out regularly. I’d take my dog out for a walk every morning and do some Pilates after, and end every night climbing into the bed I share with the one I love. And then, BAM! I got hit by a car. Suddenly, the world is completely different. I can’t go for my walks anymore. I can’t do any Pilates. I certainly can’t work anymore, or go to concerts, or festivals. I feel broken, and at times, alone. I know I’m not. I know I still have friends out there, it’s just a lot harder to see them now because they have to make the time to come and see me as I am now, and that’s a lot less appealing than meeting up for a coffee, a meal, or going to a show together with the old me.
My world feels really small, empty, and broken right now, though I’m making every effort, everyday, to find the positives and focus on them - and there are many. But because this “new normal” is still so new, and the majority of my life and memories are with me being able and free, it’s a constant struggle. And I know it won’t be like this forever. At least, it shouldn’t be as long as I continue to take proper care and practice a lot of patience with my healing. And while often, a few months doesn’t seem like a long time, in this case, it feels like forever. My current experience and emotions are ruling over common sense most days, and it sucks. My world right now kinda sucks, and that could potentially lead to me making poor choices, or stupid mistakes. Choices or mistakes I’d make to try and get (back) to the world I want. Because, isn’t that what we’re often doing - simply trying to get by in the world we believe we’re in, in hopes to make it into the one we think will have all the answers?
Ⓒ September 2024. Beki Lantos. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form by any means without prior written permission of the author.
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