Waiting

Mackenzie sat across the hospital room, looking over her mother's thin and frail body to her younger sister, Madison. She was slouching and playing on her phone like a teenager. How could she play a game at a time like this, wondered Mackenzie? Though it felt like typical Madison, she realized and rolled her eyes. She couldn’t just pretend to give a crap, not even when her mother was dying? Mackenzie felt her anger growing. Their mother made a strange noise and her eyelids fluttered. Her sister barely looked up while she stepped off of her chair and leaned forward to take a closer look.

“Mom?” She took her hand and gently squeezed it. She waited a moment to see if she’d get a response, but as usual, nothing. Her sister sighed and turned back to her phone.

Mackenzie sat back, pushing down the tears that were trying to surface. When her mother's face seemed to return to one at peace, she looked back at her sister and glared.

“What?” Madison asked without even looking at her. Mackenzie took a deep breath.

“Are you working?” She shook her head, no.

“I can’t work on these tiny screens. Gives me a headache.” So she was either texting or playing a game. Mackenzie rolled her eyes.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

She finally put her phone down. “Don’t ‘nothing’ me!”

“I just…I can’t believe you’re playing on your phone right now.”

“So what? I’m a bad daughter because I’m not staring at mom on the verge of tears like you?” Mackenzie raised her eyebrows but didn’t say a word. “At least I’m here, unlike Maggie!” She sighed. “Mom knows I love her. She knows I don’t want her to go. She doesn’t need me to sit here and pretend to pray.”

“How do you know?”

Madison huffed and rolled her eyes. She brought her phone back up to her face and hid behind it. Just then, a nurse entered the room and gently knocked on the door.

“It’s time for you to go ladies.”

Mackenzie nodded and slowly stood as her sister jumped out of her seat. “Excuse me?” She called after the nurse as she turned to leave. “I was wondering if there was any way to tell how long this will go on?” The nurse paused and Mackenzie tried to hide her gasp. “I just mean, I don’t want her to suffer more than she has to.”

A small and uncomfortable smile crept onto the nurse's face as she stepped back into the room. “We’re doing everything to keep her comfortable. You don’t have to worry about that.” She nodded and turned to Mackenzie. “And don’t worry, we have your number if anything changes.” She smiled and left. Mackenzie looked at her sister, appalled.

“What is wrong with you?” Madison’s shoulders dropped as she turned back to her sister again.

“What now?”

“How long is this going to take? Really?” Madison sighed.

“Just forget it,” she huffed. Grabbing her coat off the back of her chair, she stormed out of the room. Mackenzie watched after her, still not able to understand what had just happened. She stared off until she heard her mother moan. Without hesitation, she turned back to her mother's side and rested a hand on her forehead.

“I gotta go now, mom. But I’ll be back in the morning.” She kissed her forehead. “I promise.” She smiled and then left the room.

The next morning, her mother looked just as she’d left her. The nurse had given her the no update-update when she’d walked past the desk. She smiled and forced herself to be cheery.

“Morning mom!” She leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. “Jack and the kids send their love.” She placed her purse and coat on the foot of the bed and pulled a chair closer to the side of the bed. She smiled and continued to fill her mother in on the life that was now passing her by. Madison didn’t walk in until almost an hour later.

“Busy morning?” Mackenzie asked her, but Madison ignored her.

Within less than half an hour, Madison was back on her phone and they passed the entire morning without saying much. “Would you like to order in? Or is cafeteria food fine for today?”

“Don’t worry about me,” she shrugged.

“Ok.”

Mackenzie didn’t want to leave the room for too long and so ordered in. Her food got there in record timing. She ran down to the main doors to meet the delivery driver and pay them. Their credit card machine had difficulty reading her card so it took longer than she’d hoped. When she got back upstairs, the nurse was standing at the foot of the bed and Madison was standing on the side. Mackenzie threw her food on the floor and ran to her mother's side, fearing the worst. Her eyes immediately went to her mother's chest to see if she was breathing. She was, but it was moving even slower than before. Mackenzie looked at the nurse and the nurse nodded.

“It’s time,” she gave a small smile. Mackenzie couldn’t hold back the tears that filled her eyes, nor the burning ball in her chest. She turned back to her mother. She took her hand in hers and placed the other on the side of her face, and smiled.

“It’s ok, mom. You can go,” she told her. “We’re going to be fine.” She kept hold of her mother's hand and watched in silence as her mother took her last breath. Within seconds, the heart monitor stopped beeping and just held one note. Mackenzie squeezed her mother's hand and then gently placed it at her side. She leaned forward, kissed her mother's forehead, and then stood. When she stepped back, Madison moved up on the side of the bed and did the same. Mackenzie couldn’t help it and finally let the damn break. She sobbed and the tears began flowing. The nurse came to her side and put a hand on her shoulder. Madison stood from the bed and looked at Mackenzie.

“Maggie is going to be so pissed she wasn’t here for this,” she joked. Mackenzie wanted to respond but couldn’t catch her breath. “I mean, we all know, she’s the daughter that loves the fiercest.” She pretends to laugh. "Or at least, she likes to think she is." She waited and then turned and grabbed her jacket off the chair. Mackenzie leaned on the nurse as she caught her breath and the sobbing subsided. “Everything has already been planned, right?” Mackenzie nodded.

“Mom made sure we wouldn’t have to lift a finger. We literally just have to show up.” Madison gave a small laugh.

“So like mom.” Mackenzie nodded. Madison looked at her. “That’s something you would also do.” Mackenzie looked at her, confused. “You’re the most like her,” Madison gently touched their mother's foot. “Always caring about others’ needs and feelings, but somehow, still being real and processing your own.” Mackenzie didn’t know what to say. Madison looked at her and they made eye contact. “So strong.” The tears stopped as Mackenzie realized what was happening. She was about to speak when Madison cleared her throat and looked away. “So, I’ll see you at the funeral?” She adjusted her shoulders and the jacket in her arms. “Or would you like to meet beforehand and go together?” That was exactly what Mackenzie wanted. She wanted to spend the next few days crying, reminiscing about her mother, and loving her sisters, but she could sense Madison’s discomfort.

“Whatever you’re comfortable with,” she finally said. Madison quickly looked at her, a look of surprise on her face. Surprise turned to thanks as she slowly nodded and smiled.

“I’ll text you?” Mackenzie nodded and Madison turned to go. Mackenzie desperately wanted a hug, but finally understood she couldn’t push it. Madison stopped at the doorway and hesitated. She took a deep breath. “I love you,” she said. Mackenzie couldn’t stop the tear rolling down her cheek, nor the warmth that filled her heart. She smiled.

“I love you too.”